It's Not Easy....For Everyone to Find a Spouse.

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert on Marriage or finding a Spouse. :)  

Since I started doing these Marriage Matchmaking Events in Sept 2015, I have had many Singles call/text me and even approach me in person about their struggles of finding a spouse.  Some even cry to me.  And they still do this.  They want someone to listen and want to ask for advice.  Often, they think something is wrong with them or that they are doing something wrong because their friends are married with kids or the friends are getting married..............yet they themselves are still Single.  I hear all kinds of stories.  Some Singles find a Spouse quickly.  For others, it takes some time.  Some Singles get married in their 20s.  Some don't get married until they are in their 30s, 40's, etc.  That's is Allah's plan for your life and there's no way around it.  Some Sisters are worried about their "biological clock ticking", that time is "running out".  Some Singles go as far as to think that Allah doesn't love them.  The struggle is very real.  Many Singles get very sad (even depressed) as time goes on.  Some feel "desperate" to find a spouse.  I've been there myself.  I was divorced before, met MANY Brothers before my hubby (which took some time and I was getting older).  Right now I'm 42 and still don't have kids.

There's no "cookie cutter" way to finding a Spouse.  There's no one "right way" that works for everyone.  We don't all get Spouses or children at the same time or by a certain age.  I know many Singles in their 40s, 50s, 60s, etc that have NEVER been married.  Yet they have Faith and keep looking.  Allah gives us a spouse when HE is ready.  Not always when WE want one.  For the Singles, just know that your spouse is looking for you too.  It's just taking a bit longer than you'd like.

There's all kinds of ways to meet a Spouse.  Many times it's not even when we are directly looking.  You might meet your spouse at the bank, grocery store, at the gym, at the Masjid, through a friend, etc.  I know a Lady that had a flat tire.  The Man that stopped to help her on the side of the road ended up becoming her husband.  My friend helped a guy jump his battery in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  They liked each other and later got married.  For the part where Sisters think their time is running out for children....one Sister had her first baby at 43 after 13 years of marriage and lots of trying & diapoointments so miracles definitely do happen.  You don't know where or when it's gonna happen for finding your Spouse.  But keep your eyes open.  Maybe the right Spouse for you hasn't moved to your city yet.  Maybe they got a job promotion and will move to your city next month and you will meet them at a meeting at work or maybe they will move to your apartment complex/neighborhood.  Maybe they will become friends with your friend/relative next week and you will meet them at a dinner party.  Some people find their Spouse online or on a phone app for Singles.  Maybe they are not a member of that particular website/app yet but will become a member next week, next month, etc.

Sometimes, we need to take a break from looking for a Spouse.  I know many people who got so physically & mentally exhausted from looking for a Spouse that they took a much needed break.  When we get to the point of being exhausted from the "looking process", most often we seem desperate to get married.  Potential Spouses recognize that and it turns them off.  I took a break before I met my hubby.  Taking a break doesn't mean you are giving up.  Not at all.  Take a break if you need to and start a new hobby, take some classes, focus on yourself and do things that make you happy.  You just might be surprised of the positive things happening in your life. :)

I know it's hard, the waiting is hard.  Remember that we have to do our part to look and keep looking.  Allah is doing his "special stuff" and arranging to make things happen for you.  I tell the Singles to imagine that your Spouse is on a SUPER LONG LAYOVER at the Airport and the flights keep getting canceled.

One last thing that I tell the Singles...............Don't get married "just to get married".  You'll most likely end up in Divorce and that would be a big waste of your time, money, emotions, etc.  Wait for the RIGHT SPOUSE.  Try your best to get it right the FIRST TIME.

I hope this has helped someone.  Many Singles tell me that after I say all this to them, they do feel better and are brought back to reality with a new sense of understanding of things.

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